GM...Close enough for Government Work

Now that Barack Obama has gotten GM Chairman Rick Wagoner out of the way, he is confident that GM is on the way to unimaginable success. The government has given GM and Chrysler $65.1 billion in bailout money, which is only appropriate.

I mean, "millions" is so 90's...

To promote the sales of GM vehicles, Obama says it will be the government that will now stand by your GM car warranty. And the taxpayers all get a lube job. Your future GM owner's manual will come with a disclaimer: "Close enough for government work."

I don't know why everyone is so upset about the government taking over a major American car company. They've done a great job with social security. I mean, haven't they? Taking over GM and Chrysler is American as baseball, apple pie and Mussolini.   

But the Manchurian Teleprompter IS "UPBEAT ABOUT GM'S FUTURE" as a recent New York Times headline declared.

As soon as I read the headline, I rushed to the financial pages. There I learned GM had just been kicked off the Dow Jones Industrial Index. Yikes! Picture the New York Yankees playing so badly they were demoted to Little League status.

That doesn't sound so good. Also, I discovered GM's share price was listed as N/A. Not applicable. Sounds to me like -- "price so low it can't be measured."

Ah, but the Times says Team Obama has a plan. GM's new chairman, Barack Obama, has demanded that GM focus on more green technology. Another nice feature is that instead of an airbag, your GM car will come with a Joe Biden. Thank you, and drive safely...

So the plan is: The "New GM" is going to persuade presumably sane Americans that a bankrupt Detroit automaker run by union hacks and government bureaucrats will make little, dinky, green cars better and cheaper than Toyota, Nissan, and KIA already make little, dinky, green cars.

Can you guess who wrote this?